Farming

Check out my bales

Yes, that's right, an open invitation to check out my bales. It only happens once a year, so take advantage of it whilst you can... Very proud of my work, although my performance review from Dad might not be great when you factor in multiple baler clogging, magical net wrap disappearance (seriously, we're talking Magic Circle worthy) and best of all trapping my hand in the reel, which hurt.  A lot.  Nothing Magic Circle about that one.

But that did not slow us down.  No more than 'The Rock Who Wanted to be Barley'.  So desperately did this rock want to join it's grainy friends, it had the audacity to enter the combine thus suspending combining for a morning.

Only so many times in these warming days you get the opportunity to say "F***ing glaciers." [Apparently in the last Ice Age, the glaciers stopped North of Colchester i.e. at LDF and dumped a variety of very pretty, but very annoying rocks in our so not Grade A agricultural land.  Although let this be a lesson to you all, a combine is to harvest, not to plough.]

But never mind, that's why we keep a couple of spare combines for parts.  Without them, and Dad's mechanical genius, I wouldn't get to write: Winter barley, harvested.

Next time I reverse into, or lose Humbug under one, I shall remind myself to be grateful for their presence.  Bring on the spring barley!

Typical Harvest Conversation #1

[A typical farmhouse kitchen table.  Neat (relatively) piles of paperwork surround a family having lunch.  A Humphrey reads a tractor magazine, his wife tries not to drip tea on the paperwork, and the daughter is failing to win £100 from the Waitrose crossword. Barley in field ~20%]

Humphrey:   I'm going to sit down. Wake me if it rains, I've got to put the combine away.

Unqualified cloud expert aka Wife: [Looks out of window]    It really looks like it's going to rain.

Farmer:   Of course not. I have time [Sleeps, safe in the belief he controls the weather]

[It starts to rain.]

Farmer:   [Woken by slightly annoying fairies cheerfully yelling 'Pitter patter!'] Is it raining?...It's not raining.

Rain Fairy 1:   Do you mean water falling from the sky, or another type of rain?

Farmer:   I cannot see rain.

Rain Fairy 2:   Would you like me to go and stand outside to prove it?

[The rain fairies depart to prove it is raining and rescue dog and washing.  Humphrey happily leaves to move the combine.  The local farmers chorus: ****.]

[It pours.  Feed Barley in field >20%]

SOS Dairy

Dairy farmers from across the country are meeting in London today to call for wholescale change in the dairy industry.  The recent regime of price cuts have resulted in the lowest retail milk prices for seven years and immediate action is needed to bring about a sustainable dairy supply chain.

There is a lot to celebrate in the British dairy industry, but not the current regime of price cuts.  Milk producers deserve a fair price.  We may only be 'Dairy' by name, but we are 100% behind British Dairy Farmers.

Open Farm Sunday

Sunshine, bunting, tea, tractors, cows and piglets.

We had a fantastic time on Sunday.  Thank you to everyone who visited, it was great to see so many people exploring life on the farm!

A few photos follow - you may notice they revolve around tea and cake, so you can tell where I spent most of the day!  If you have any photos, we'd love to see them.  Post them to our Facebook page or e-mail us: farm@lowerdairyfarm.co.uk  You can also enter LEAF's OFS photography competition for the chance to win £100 of grocery vouchers.

The calm before the storm...

Tea time in the lean-to...

Lizzy and Ben - emergency bakers extraordinaire

Thank you to everyone who helped out.  Judith and Leo, OFS veterans, for amazing work on refreshments, baking, artistic direction, mouse-taming, bunting-hanging and everything else.  Tom Gardiner for cleaning, clearing and keeping Dad on the straight and narrow (almost).  The BEMs for clearing, washing-up and persuading Mum to sit down and have a well-earned cup of tea.  Dougie Fryer for sheer strength and turning up to do the farm walk only to be handed a tray of mugs by Mum "because I thought he'd know what to do with them".  And to Lizzie and Ben who simultaneously served in the shop whilst baking emergency fairy cakes, washing-up, egg-collecting, running messages up and down to the farm AND hanging out our washing - above and beyond the call of duty!  We could not have asked for a better team of helpers and we are hugely grateful to you all.

(Oh, and Dougie, erm..remember those heavy iron gates you helped lift off?  Well, they've got to go back on...did I mention we owe you big time?)

When tedding goes wrong...

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

Meet Mrs Rogers.

  Mrs Rogers is a Centaur (part-woman, part-Humbug).  One sunny day, Mrs Rogers was tedding the fields at Lower Dairy Farm.  "What fun this is!" she said to Humbug.

Suddenly, the tedder stopped fluffing the grass and started making a funny noise.  Mrs Rogers jumped out of her tractor cab and headed out to investigate.

"Oh no!" said Mrs Rogers, "I seem to have wrapped a large quantity of fencing wire around the tedder!".  [Not her actual words.]  And just at that moment, Happy Farmer Humphrey appeared.

   And so they unwound, and unwound and extracted the wire and pretty soon, the tedder was free.  "Phew!" said Mrs Rogers. 

But Mrs Rogers had to say goodbye to the tedder and will never be trusted again.

"Bye-bye tedder!" said Arnie, sorry, Mrs Rogers.

"I'll take this out of your pay!" said Farmer Humph as he jumped into the tractor cab.  "What pay?!?" said indentured Mrs Rogers nee Taylor.

"Time for lunch." said Humbug.

Temporary accommodation

6am wade into the "stream" to rescue a non-floating duck house plus paddling inhabitants.  One homeless Humbug because emergency accommodation = kennel. He assures me he's charging exorbitant rent and doesn't just want to sit in front of the fire all day.  Remind me to order that second pair of wellies...