: Butter wouldn't melt...

"Have you seen the puppy that's trying to kill the furry animals?". You can take the dog out of the country...but not to a popular pet store. The TV advert promises a treat for every animal, but after this and barking at your own reflection in the sliding doors (every time they closed), we were lucky not to leave with a pet ASBO.

It's been all go here with more calves, muck spreading, hen moving, bale moving (sterling work by Humph, cramming the last bales into the barn before it rained) and a tip-top weekend of dehorning and castrating in Dorset - I'll save you the details. Never let it be said the glamorous Taylor girls (in matching Primark hoodies) don't know how to have a good time. Incidentally, the chants of "here come the chavs" were not appreciated.

Back home in Essex, Humbug and I put the "rural" into "rural broadband" at the CLA's Rural Broadband Week roadshow in the village hall - think muddy wellies and eau de fox scat. The CLA's "Can't Get Online" campaign is lobbying to ensure every rural business and household can access a broadband connection of at least 5Mbps. Humbug, a very concerned citizen, contributed some very loud yawning - greatly appreciated by all at the meeting.

The cows have decided enough is enough and they'd like to come inside thank you very much. So it's time to start reconstructing that highly advanced system of gates in the barn, consider (only consider) replacing the vintage baler twine that holds them all together and find places around the farm to store the machinery that's been kept undercover over the summer. You'd think it would be difficult to lose a gate. But you would be wrong.

All thoughts now turn to sugarbeet madness. This year, I get to see for the first time the MONSTER machinery in action in the tiny fields of Lower Dairy Farm. A nightmare for the operators...but very exciting for me!