Typical Harvest Conversation #1

[A typical farmhouse kitchen table.  Neat (relatively) piles of paperwork surround a family having lunch.  A Humphrey reads a tractor magazine, his wife tries not to drip tea on the paperwork, and the daughter is failing to win £100 from the Waitrose crossword. Barley in field ~20%]

Humphrey:   I'm going to sit down. Wake me if it rains, I've got to put the combine away.

Unqualified cloud expert aka Wife: [Looks out of window]    It really looks like it's going to rain.

Farmer:   Of course not. I have time [Sleeps, safe in the belief he controls the weather]

[It starts to rain.]

Farmer:   [Woken by slightly annoying fairies cheerfully yelling 'Pitter patter!'] Is it raining?...It's not raining.

Rain Fairy 1:   Do you mean water falling from the sky, or another type of rain?

Farmer:   I cannot see rain.

Rain Fairy 2:   Would you like me to go and stand outside to prove it?

[The rain fairies depart to prove it is raining and rescue dog and washing.  Humphrey happily leaves to move the combine.  The local farmers chorus: ****.]

[It pours.  Feed Barley in field >20%]

Happy Harvest

It's raining!  Good news as it meant limited guilt when I abandoned the farm for the Olympic eventing final yesterday.  You should know, I love the Olympics more than Humbug or my family.  To the point I walked Humbug the other day by sprinting to a friend's house (fortunately within the death distance - approx 1/8 mile) in the break in the men's gymnastics all-round final.  Apologies to the local farmer who had to witness my attempt at running (less Usain more Jumanji) along the edge of a sugar beet field.

But it IS harvest, and the combine IS ready to go  - at last testing barley was at 20% moisture, so not long now.  And so it is time for a vintage picture.  I've recently been sorting through Grandad's photos and negatives from the '30s (after dark, late at night - all hours must be accounted for pre-harvest).  Last week, I came across this picture of a time before the JCB/Manitou took the load off a farmer's harvest.

Having spent a long time as a child climbing/being lifted one layer higher on a trailer of bales (whilst wearing a natty knotted 'kerchief), this photo brought back fond memories of harvest.  It is a strange time, in my opinion the most stressful and most enjoyable time in the farming year.  But, just as at the Olympics, everything comes down to this.  And having worked increasingly with Dad over the past year since I returned to the farm, I would like to encourage all involved to 'Make the Promise' to come home safely.  Don't get me wrong, we may despair of HSE at times and we do not have to harvest in the conditions in this photo, but it is important to get through it in one piece!  As the HSE executive say: Do it for yourself, your family and your farm.

Good luck to everyone starting harvest, finishing (you lucky things) or struggling to get heavy machinery into boggy fields!  It has been a challenging season in the UK but spare a thought for our American counterparts.  With extraordinary drought conditions across the US, we are lucky to be able to head into the fields to harvest.  There'll be lots of cursing, screaming and probably a few tears (from Humbug) here at LDF, but here's wishing you all a safe harvest.

Carpet Dynasty

Introducing our very own Axminster.

Brand new miracle daughter* of my favourite, Rug.

Quality name for a quality calf. She's huge!

*Yes, seriously, another "miracle".  At least we know the AI is working...

Lath, scratch coat, top and finish

Top facts about lime plaster:

1) Lime is sacrificial, it rots away so the timber does not

2) It burns

3) Several Chinese goats were shorn to provide hair for the mix.

4) Lime plaster is very very heavy.  I may mock my lovely sister here on the blog, but I now have the muscles of an Olympic weightlifter.

There is obviously a lot more to know about lime plaster and we were lucky enough to have the wonderful Roy Cafferty running the lime plaster course.  What Roy does not know about lime is not worth knowing and he is an incredible craftsman.  Thank you to Roy and once again Katie Seabright from Essex CC Heritage team for an excellent course.  And to all the participants who worked very hard and lathed and plastered up a storm. The majority of panels were covered in only two days, and as you will see, the Mill House is looking rather spectacular.

We're currently finishing the last few panels, and then have 2 - 3 weeks grace (with some care) until we start on the top coat.

Best of all, restore a couple of doors and the windows*, and hey presto, Humbug and I have a new hiding place.

Thanks once again to everyone on the course.   It was lovely to see familiar faces from last year's Managing a Masterpiece timber frame course. I do not think we could have asked for a more enthusiastic group of pro-lathers!

If you missed this course and are interested in learning about traditional building techniques and materials, information on future seminars, lectures and hands-on courses can be found in the Essex CC Traditional Building Courses booklet.

*...plus a little work on the roof etc...

SOS Dairy

Dairy farmers from across the country are meeting in London today to call for wholescale change in the dairy industry.  The recent regime of price cuts have resulted in the lowest retail milk prices for seven years and immediate action is needed to bring about a sustainable dairy supply chain.

There is a lot to celebrate in the British dairy industry, but not the current regime of price cuts.  Milk producers deserve a fair price.  We may only be 'Dairy' by name, but we are 100% behind British Dairy Farmers.

Little Pig Robinsons

So, our pair of calm, docile, lop-eared Houdini-piglets have decided they would rather be roaming the mean streets of Horkesley as opposed to a life in their lovely green meadow.  Thank you to everyone who took part in the attempts to get them back into the field.  The way to revitalise the Big Society?  Community animal herding.

   I very kindly left the escapists in the care of others to head to our twin farm in Dorset, to witness the remarkable results of Adam Henson's new agricultural show, "Pimp My Calf Hutch".Me and Calf-Tel have had our differences in the past, but if I were ever to consider camping was a good idea, I would like to take one of these with me - canvas is very overrated. [NB. Had I had to assemble this I would probably be thinking differently. The smaller version drove me to near-violence.]

But, there is no need to run away!  Better than a calf hutch or pig sty, is our pimped-out barn here in Essex.  For those who didn't make it to OFS, we are proud to introduce our new-look Mill House.

 Hats off to the incredible Richard Green for the work he put in to turn this side around in under a week.  And for patiently dealing with the site Führer, sorry, foreman.

Not to mention a bricklaying apprentice with little (to no) spatial awareness.  "Is that level?" Genuinely, no clue.  I could blame the PTSD from stacking 1600 Victorian bricks for the new plinth the day before my short-lived apprenticeship, but I would be lying.

The barn is now boarded against the weather.  Naturally, this is a temporary measure and distressingly, the boards will have to come off (joy!) to reinstate the original features we've preserved in the frame beneath.  However, our priority at the moment is making sure the barn is weatherproof and structurally sound in order to continue the work.  I did not get a chance to put these pictures up for Open Farm Sunday, but the change in a year is quite remarkable.

JULY 2011

 

JUNE 2012

 

Inside, it is looking fabulous with Roy Cafferty prepping sections for the lime plaster course next week.  Following my "success" at bricklaying, I am confident lime plastering will uncover my hidden genius.

Thank you again to everyone on the Essex CC courses, but particularly to Richard, Essex/Suffolk's premier timber frame restorer, for the incredible work.  It is lovely to have an area getting back into a usable shape and to see progress on the farm.

Open Farm Sunday

Sunshine, bunting, tea, tractors, cows and piglets.

We had a fantastic time on Sunday.  Thank you to everyone who visited, it was great to see so many people exploring life on the farm!

A few photos follow - you may notice they revolve around tea and cake, so you can tell where I spent most of the day!  If you have any photos, we'd love to see them.  Post them to our Facebook page or e-mail us: farm@lowerdairyfarm.co.uk  You can also enter LEAF's OFS photography competition for the chance to win £100 of grocery vouchers.

The calm before the storm...

Tea time in the lean-to...

Lizzy and Ben - emergency bakers extraordinaire

Thank you to everyone who helped out.  Judith and Leo, OFS veterans, for amazing work on refreshments, baking, artistic direction, mouse-taming, bunting-hanging and everything else.  Tom Gardiner for cleaning, clearing and keeping Dad on the straight and narrow (almost).  The BEMs for clearing, washing-up and persuading Mum to sit down and have a well-earned cup of tea.  Dougie Fryer for sheer strength and turning up to do the farm walk only to be handed a tray of mugs by Mum "because I thought he'd know what to do with them".  And to Lizzie and Ben who simultaneously served in the shop whilst baking emergency fairy cakes, washing-up, egg-collecting, running messages up and down to the farm AND hanging out our washing - above and beyond the call of duty!  We could not have asked for a better team of helpers and we are hugely grateful to you all.

(Oh, and Dougie, erm..remember those heavy iron gates you helped lift off?  Well, they've got to go back on...did I mention we owe you big time?)

When tedding goes wrong...

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

Meet Mrs Rogers.

  Mrs Rogers is a Centaur (part-woman, part-Humbug).  One sunny day, Mrs Rogers was tedding the fields at Lower Dairy Farm.  "What fun this is!" she said to Humbug.

Suddenly, the tedder stopped fluffing the grass and started making a funny noise.  Mrs Rogers jumped out of her tractor cab and headed out to investigate.

"Oh no!" said Mrs Rogers, "I seem to have wrapped a large quantity of fencing wire around the tedder!".  [Not her actual words.]  And just at that moment, Happy Farmer Humphrey appeared.

   And so they unwound, and unwound and extracted the wire and pretty soon, the tedder was free.  "Phew!" said Mrs Rogers. 

But Mrs Rogers had to say goodbye to the tedder and will never be trusted again.

"Bye-bye tedder!" said Arnie, sorry, Mrs Rogers.

"I'll take this out of your pay!" said Farmer Humph as he jumped into the tractor cab.  "What pay?!?" said indentured Mrs Rogers nee Taylor.

"Time for lunch." said Humbug.