December is bustin' out all over. Another calf, and whilst we love all of God's creatures, I have to say, this is the most attractive shot I could get of our latest arrival... Poor calf. When I become a River Stour Pirate he will come into his own in my skull and crossbones diorama.

But luck was on our side. Whilst waiting for his unfriendly mother to calve, we were joined by a ferocious stoat. This stoat has a reputation as a performance artist and will hold up the traffic on Water Lane whilst he/she (stoat sexing not my forte) drags the latest kill down the centre of the road. Show-off; but pretty amazing to watch.

And speaking of artistic performances, Christo and Jeanne-Claude may have wrapped The Reichstag, but life is a conceptual art piece here at LDF. Introducing, for a limited time only: "Sugar Beet Heap, Wrapped".

Performed at night, preferably in driving rain. I'm pretty sure Christo and team of helpers didn't complete their wrapping with a personal head-to-toe mud pack and multiple bruises - whilst sliding down the heap may seem the most efficient way to get to the ground, high altitude sickness can make a wrapper forget a heap of beet makes for a lumpy descent.

But anything to protect those precious sugar beet from the December frosts. British Sugar, take note; everything I do, I do it for you.