Be very afeard! For born unto Thistle, Boudica has risen again...
And the Warrior Queen is already proving her rebellious credentials, seen here staging a sit-in. 
Terror reigns at Lower Dairy Farm. So, if the rattle of chariot wheels is heard on North Hill, run for your lives! (We'll keep her away from matches.)
Look! A three furrow plough.
Dad has worked like a demon to complete the ploughing. With only the Poor Field to go - poor by name, poor by nature, he went back to basics to get through some wet, heavy land without wrecking the tractor. Apparently, it is better adjusted than the four furrow. Bonus!
Unfortunately, with the ploughing completed, work stopped to rescue the JCB which was a little stuck in the barn.
Time to crack out the shovels and dig for victory, but with our muscles struggling and the tractor unable to pull it out, we needed the big guns...so The Mighty Nuffield swung into action.
Which makes you wonder why we use any modern machinery!
After my earlier destructive episode - bringing down the power cables to the farm with the JCB loader, it's safe to say we are being uber-careful as these things tend to come in threes.
Perhaps we should offer our first bull calf of 2013 to the Gods, and name it after JCB's founding father, 'Mr Bamford'?
Quite the Bulldozer!
It's still too wet to plough, and we're playing a waiting game. Making that wait bearable, our newest heifer. A full house of girls so far in 2013. Bingo!
Cattle are excellent weather forecasters. By now, we'd expect every weak ray of sunshine to have the cows lining up at the gate, bawling to be let out to our green and pleasant farm. But they're fine and peaceful in the barn thank you very much. The lambs may be gambolling at Wiston, but our bovine weather girls are telling us we're not out of the woods yet.
We are extremely lucky to be in a good position. Don't get me wrong, we'd rather have the cows out, but last year's weather provided us with enough hay, straw and silage to keep the cows in the luxury to which they have become accustomed. However, across Britain, the story is one of farming in crisis. A perfect storm of weather, disease and market prices are having devastating consequences for farmers. In their own words, it is "a bitter irony" that the Royal Agricultural Benevolent Institution are sending supermarket vouchers to farmers in need. There are rich farmers, and there are poor farmers, just as in any industry. No-one is enjoying the increasing "recession-busting" cuts, but I cannot urge you strongly enough to Buy British and show your support for British Agriculture.
Back to one 'Great British Farmer proud to produce Great British Food' (he likes that title). When Farmer Humph is not weather-watching or trying out the plough, he's busy splitting one of the Massey 690s. This is his second in a year, and Grease Monkey Humph is a mechanical genius...which is just as well, because he's got to resplit the other one!
So, if there are any Massey engineers out there, who fancy a country jaunt this weekend...may we recommend the Transition Nayland Equinox Walk. Click here for more information...toolkit provided.
Every mother appreciates an audience when giving birth..
..but learning the facts of life can be a little much for the weak of heart.
In the past week, the youngsters have learnt a lot as three calves joined the herd. First to arrive, Bathsheba:
Followed by a Mother's Day surprise with unusual ears:
It being the year of 'B', we couldn't name her 'Foxy' or 'Photoshop Gone Wrong'. Fortunately, Blossom was the name picked using our random number generator (...Humph picking a number between 1 and 13. Took several attempts and explanation that 14 was not a valid choice). Congratulations to Lesley Parkins and Douglas Fryer for a very apt name!
And finally, a first-time calf for a giant heifer:
We welcome Betsy to the world! A good, strong name for a sizeable calf, suggested by Sue Fuller. Betsy, born in a snowstorm, has decided that she will only sit in patches of snow.
More calves to worry Farmer Humph at the end of March!
The piglets are now happily ensconced in their new quarters - open plan studio apartment (ark) with uninterrupted views across the river to Nayland Airfield, cricket bat willows and general Stour loveliness. 
Ever considered living in a sty? I have.
This 'pig's-eye' view of the world shows how perfect the site is for the trio, but they'll have to work for that view. In fact, once they make it to the end of the track, they add Wiston Mill to the panorama.
To thank them, we generously removed the Take Put 
found beneath the brambles. And if you were wondering what this does, Dad's description "You take things, and put them somewhere else...somewhere you forget about them." is pretty accurate. He's been searching for this for some time, so has taken it...and put it somewhere else. Circle of Hell right there.
Thank you to Fryers Farm Shop for the huge quantity of windfall apples. Like ill-disciplined children, pigs like to play with food and are enjoying rolling them under the fence as an excuse to retrieve them. We believe they too may be trying to get to Wiston to play with Reggie.
With the piglets settling in, we were joined by a festive offering:
Farmers' luck, calving started 20 minutes before we were due to leave for the carol service. Fortunately, 'No 1's Calf' is a pro and it was born and up within minutes, so Humph escaped to deafen the dignitaries of Colchester with a piccolo 'Top G' in 'Angels from the realms...
A performance praised by the Mayor himself. It never ceases to amaze us that even after a lifetime of farming, with farmer hands hewn from endless baler twine knots, he is able to play the piccolo so well. To show our appreciation, when Humph's piccolo services are required, we briefly allow him to practise in the house, before realising this is a terrible idea (Farm Dog wails) and banish him to the barn - all a little Thomas Hardy until you catch a riff of a sea shanty amid the carols!
December is bustin' out all over. Another calf, and whilst we love all of God's creatures, I have to say, this is the most attractive shot I could get of our latest arrival...
Poor calf. When I become a River Stour Pirate he will come into his own in my skull and crossbones diorama.
But luck was on our side. Whilst waiting for his unfriendly mother to calve, we were joined by a ferocious stoat. This stoat has a reputation as a performance artist and will hold up the traffic on Water Lane whilst he/she (stoat sexing not my forte) drags the latest kill down the centre of the road. Show-off; but pretty amazing to watch.
And speaking of artistic performances, Christo and Jeanne-Claude may have wrapped The Reichstag, but life is a conceptual art piece here at LDF. Introducing, for a limited time only: "Sugar Beet Heap, Wrapped".
Performed at night, preferably in driving rain. I'm pretty sure Christo and team of helpers didn't complete their wrapping with a personal head-to-toe mud pack and multiple bruises - whilst sliding down the heap may seem the most efficient way to get to the ground, high altitude sickness can make a wrapper forget a heap of beet makes for a lumpy descent.
But anything to protect those precious sugar beet from the December frosts. British Sugar, take note; everything I do, I do it for you.
On the first day of December, a lovely heifer calf for the herd.
On the second day of December a trip to Mersea gave to me, three marvellous piglets.
On the third day of December, I drew the short straw when Dad said "So, you get in the muck spreader..." and wandered off to find tools. Ever wanted to know what the inside of a muck spreader looks like? 
Well now you know.
On the fourth day of December, what's that coming o'er the hill? Yes! It's the sugar beet harvester. 
At long last.
On the fifth day of December, 'Lord Sugar-beet' himself (Mr Brooks), had promised to 
send a smaller tractor to reduce the risk of barn-tractor collisions. Fitting Twenty First Century equipment into our "bijou" yard is, as so diplomatically put by the traumatized-looking youth driving the tractor, "quite hard work". Cue another 8 point turn.
And whilst I would have been most grateful for this, the harvester mined the sugar in record time and they'll be back at a later date for our other field...which requires drier conditions.
Clearly, this is shaping up to be a month of excitements. Perhaps by the 31st we'll have a new gutter and my definition of rain (water falling from the sky) and that of the Met Office will match up? Oh, we can live in hope...but too much excitement before Christmas is bad for a farmer.
Two calves this morning. Yes, that is how efficient we are (she said, laughing). Nothing like simultaneous calving - on opposite sides of the field of course, to start the day right. First, Caribou (left), produced a non-reindeer-esque heifer calf.
Closely followed by Tepi, who very kindly allowed us time for breakfast, before producing the latest member of the Carpet Dynasty, and nephew to the lovely Axminster.
Good haul for a morning!
And also, a wake-up call. This is what happens when a calf sees my appearance first thing in the morning...
The horror.
FARM SHOP OPENING
Normal AUTUMN/WINTER HOURS
WEDNESDAY - FRIDAY: 10am - 4pm
SATURDAY: 10am - 3pm
SUNDAY: 11am - 1pm
Outside these hours, please phone to arrange collection.
