This is a tractor.
This is a tractor.
But this isn't just any old tractor. This is a tractor that will blow your mind. For not only is this tractor parked outside the barn....this tractor drove itself out of the barn. Hallelujah!
A fully operational tractor with a post-split variety of new bearings, pipes, brakes, working accelerators (both hand and foot of course), and even...wait for it...two doors! The luxury!
Congratulations Dad, you're a pro now - the next one will be a breeze!
Happy Father's Day everyone!
The Calf with the Golden Navel
We only breed the best! Our newborn Hereford calf has its navel sprayed by Farmer Humph
(Note the sunhat - summer is here!)
Inside the hive
Visiting the farm
Sometimes (..often), visitors to the farm are drafted in to help out. Usually, it's to help block a gap as we move the cows or similar. But sometimes, it's a little more involved...
Last weekend, Paddy, Dad's godson, was literally kidnapped and taken off to help harvest a new green oak beam for the upcoming Timber Frame Course.
And a good job too, as it is safe to say it was not a one man job. The perfectly shaped branch in question belonged to a huge fallen oak at the edge of the Marsh. 
Employing the basic laws of physics and engineering, plus a chain saw and a JCB, we extracted and lifted the section over the fence.
At one stage the words "Why don't we come back tomorrow and take the fence down?" were uttered. But Farmer Humph was persuaded to persevere (I climbed on the tree trunk and stamped my foot) and has now shaped the beam, and it looks gorgeous.
This curved beam will replace a piece of 4x2, and restore the original archway through to the old farm. This particular beam made the cut as its shape roughly matches that of an existing arch, which will remain in situ. It is fantastic to be able to use wood from the farm in the restoration of the Stable. A lot of the timber in the original build is recycled from earlier buildings, but it makes you wonder how much "new" wood was harvested from trees on the farm...without a JCB...how grim.
Huge thanks to Paddy for explaining to Dad how his plan was a little kamikaze, and working out a safer alternative - model godchild behaviour. Apparently, one of Paddy's early memories is attempting to climb the giant steps up to the combine; a sure sign he should return during harvest and have a go driving that very same Mercator!
Bee(f) farming*
* or apiculture (the culture of apes)
Dad and I took an outing yesterday to collect a swarm of bees. What better way to undertake some father-daughter bonding when you only own one bee suit (which I rocked) meaning that when bees are present, the other person has to stay a sensible distance away from said bee-suited individual. Clearly, we'll have to repurpose one of Farmer Humph's sun hats by glamorously draping a veil over it...
Watching bees settling into the weird, insect-dripping organism that is a resting swarm is fascinating. This swarm was in the two castes pictured above. We knocked the bees from their resting place into a box, swept up some of the remainders, and returned close to sunset to transport the box back to the farm.
The father-daughter bonding ended slightly at this point when my driving was classified as "too bumpy" for the bees...this from a man who swerves around potholes at the last-minute. But, we all survived the journey and the bees are over-nighting in an idyllic spot overlooking the river, pasture and apple blossom. Hopefully the pampered bees will decide to stay and long may the father-daughter bonding continue!
Great British Beef Week
This week, across the country, people have celebrated the quality, versatility and nutritional powerhouse that is British Beef!
And so, to celebrate, we bring you Farmer Humph's #beefie...
Not really! But this is a screen print by the brilliant Paul Bommer (click here for more info), hanging on our kitchen wall...and the resemblance is uncanny!
Nice but dim
On Thursday, we retrieved this lovely, but dim calf from a water tank. After climbing out, he peed on me, demonstrating his Blue Flag-esque clean water credentials, and making me a pollution hazard in the catchment zone of a watercourse.
Which brings me to a request from @FarmerCharles on Twitter this week: "What was that cake with apostles all over it that I was going to try?" I had intended to start said cake with apostles all over it, a Simnel Cake, that night but, well, hygiene first.
Simnel Cake - as styled by Marguerite Patten
In the matter of the Taylor-Nicholson Simnel Cake, we use our Christmas cake recipe; a great excuse to eat Christmas cake more than once a year. Choose your favourite fruit or Dundee cake recipe, and sandwich a layer of marzipan in the middle of the batter. When cool, brush the top with jam and add a circle of marzipan and twelve balls to represent the apostles, minus Judas. Brown the marzipan under the grill or using a blowtorch (perhaps not the one that lives on the farm, and no, the dehorner won't do).
The thing to remember, is that twelve balls are insufficient; '70s decorations are compulsory. If it's good enough for Marguerite, then it's good enough for your Easter table. And be warned: Don't melt the apostles (grilling in the Aga can be hit and miss)! Marguerite will know.